How to Deal with the Terrible Twos in a Montessori Way

The Montessori approach to dealing with the “terrible twos” focuses on fostering independence, respect, and understanding while creating a supportive environment for toddlers. Here’s how you can manage the terrible twos in a Montessori-inspired way:

1. Respectful Communication

• Acknowledge Feelings: Montessori emphasizes the importance of acknowledging a child’s feelings. Instead of dismissing their emotions, say something like, “I can see you’re upset right now.” This shows empathy and helps the child feel heard and understood.
• Use Simple Language: Toddlers often respond better when given clear, simple instructions. Try saying, “Please put the toy down gently,” or “We need to clean up now,” rather than giving long explanations.

2. Create a Calm and Predictable Environment

• Set Up a Calm Space: A Montessori environment often has soft, calming colors, natural materials, and organized spaces. These can help reduce overstimulation and create a peaceful atmosphere for toddlers.
• Establish Routines: Predictability is comforting for young children. Set a consistent daily routine (for meals, naps, and activities) so your child knows what to expect, helping them feel secure.

3. Foster Independence

• Offer Choices: Toddlers love to feel in control. Give them choices where possible to avoid power struggles. For example, “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?” This empowers them and reduces frustration.
• Let Them Help: Involve your toddler in daily tasks such as setting the table, putting toys away, or watering plants. Montessori promotes the idea that toddlers want to be active participants, and this can reduce frustration and tantrums.

4. Natural Consequences

• Allow Natural Consequences: In a Montessori environment, children learn through experience. For example, if a toddler refuses to put on their jacket, they might feel cold outside. Instead of imposing punishment, let the natural consequence teach the lesson, as long as it’s safe to do so.

5. Model Calmness and Patience

• Be a Role Model: Montessori believes in modeling behavior for children. If your toddler is throwing a tantrum, try to remain calm and speak softly. You might say, “I understand you’re upset, but we need to use our words when we’re feeling frustrated.” Your calm demeanor will set an example for them.

6. Limit “No” and Use Positive Language

• Avoid Saying “No” Too Often: Montessori suggests offering alternatives to “no” when possible. Instead of saying “No, don’t touch that,” you could try, “Let’s play with this toy instead” or “This is not safe to touch, but we can look at it together.”
• Redirect Attention: When your toddler starts to misbehave, redirect them to another activity. This is more effective than saying “stop” because it helps them focus their energy positively.

7. Support Emotional Development

• Teach Emotional Regulation: Montessori encourages teaching toddlers how to manage their feelings. You can do this by modeling how to breathe deeply when upset or offering a calm-down area with soft pillows or stuffed animals where they can retreat to collect themselves.
• Work with the Child’s Interests: Children this age often act out because they are frustrated by their inability to express their desires clearly. Offering activities that engage their interests, like building or art, can help channel their energy into productive and satisfying outlets.

8. Limit Toys and Activities

• Simplify the Environment: Montessori environments are intentionally minimalist, offering limited toys to encourage concentration and creativity. In the “terrible twos,” too many options can overwhelm a toddler. Offer a few choices at a time to avoid frustration.
• Rotate Toys: Keep things fresh and interesting by rotating toys. This helps maintain focus and keeps toddlers from getting bored, reducing the likelihood of tantrums.

9. Prepare for Independence and Responsibility

• Let them do it themselves: Toddlers want to assert their independence at this stage. Instead of doing things for them, offer gentle encouragement to let them try. For example, allow them to put on their shoes or feed themselves. While it may take longer, this reinforces their growing sense of autonomy.

Conclusion

By taking a Montessori approach, you’re setting up an environment that supports your child’s natural development and emotional needs. The goal is to guide and support your toddler with patience and empathy, and to empower them to be independent, responsible, and self-aware.